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How to tick people off

May 26, 2009 By Leave a Comment

1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies. 2. In the memo field of all your checks, write “for sexual favors.” 3. Specify that your drive-through order is “TO-GO.” 4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others. [...]

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Bad Fears

May 20, 2009 By Leave a Comment

Doc, you’ve gotta help me, I’m going crazy!” “Just put yourself in my hands for two years,” said the psychiatrist. “Come to me three times a week, and I’ll cure your fears.” “How much do you charge?” “My fee is $100 per visit.” “That’s awfully expensive, Doc,” reckoned Shakey. “Let me sleep on it, and [...]

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Fart story

May 20, 2009 By Leave a Comment

A man woke up every morning and passed gas. After about eight or nine years of marriage, his wife finally said, if you fart any more, you’ll fart your guts out. Being a butcher, the wife decided to put pig scraps in his pants so he would wake up, and not do it anymore. She [...]

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Bus Driver's Parents

May 20, 2009 By Leave a Comment

A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, “If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I’d be a little bull.” The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, “If my dad was an elephant and my mom a [...]

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Lesbian

May 18, 2009 By Leave a Comment

A blonde guy was sitting in a bar when he spots a very pretty young woman. He advances towards her when the bartender says to him, “Don’t waste your time on that one. She’s a lesbian.” The blonde goes over to her anyway and says, “So which part of Lesbia are you from?”

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Even More Blonde Q and A

May 18, 2009 By Leave a Comment

Q: WHAT DID THE BLONDE SAY ABOUT BLONDE JOKES? A: She said they were pretty good, but they might offend some Puerto Ricans. Q: WHAT DID THE BLONDE THINK OF THE NEW COMPUTER? A: She didn’t like it because she couldn’t get MTV.

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Blonde Shoots Herself

May 18, 2009 By Leave a Comment

A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off. “How did this happen?” the emergency room doctor asked her. Well, I was trying to commit suicide, the blonde replied.

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Just Married

May 18, 2009 By Leave a Comment

A young couple got married, and in their family, it was tradition that the best man dance with the bride for the first song. Well, this happened…but then they danced for the second song too. And the third. By the time the fourth song came on, the groom ran up and kicked the bride between [...]

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Adam and Eve

May 18, 2009 By Leave a Comment

Why did god create Adam before he created eve? Because he didn’t want anyone telling him how to make Adam.

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60 Things Not to Say to a Naked Guy

May 18, 2009 By Leave a Comment

1. I’ve smoked fatter joints than that. 2. Ahh, it’s cute. 3. Who circumcised you? 4. Why don’t we just cuddle? 5. You know they have surgery to fix that.

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