Online Poetry – Publish your poetry for free
Join Online Poetry and start writing your poetry! Anyone can join and become part of this website. Publish your poetry for free! Anyone can join and become part of this website. Publish your poetry for free! If you are a new user click on “Register” to join. Choose a username and enter your e-mail address to receive your password and you can begin to publish your songs. You can also choose a password.
How to publish the poems:
1) Enter a song title
2) Place the contents of the song
3) Select a category
4) Click “Submit for review”
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How to tick people off
1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write “for sexual favors.”
3. Specify that your drive-through order is “TO-GO.”
4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
5. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets. Read more
Bad Fears
Doc, you’ve gotta help me, I’m going crazy!”
“Just put yourself in my hands for two years,” said the psychiatrist. “Come to me three times a week, and I’ll cure your fears.”
“How much do you charge?”
“My fee is $100 per visit.”
“That’s awfully expensive, Doc,” reckoned Shakey. “Let me sleep on it, and I’ll get back to you.”
Six months later, the doctor and Shakey crossed paths. “Why didn’t you ever come to see me again?” asked the psychiatrist.
“For $100 a visit? Heck, a bartender cured me for $10!”
“How do you figure?” asked the psychiatrist.
“He told me to cut the legs off the bed!”
Fart story
A man woke up every morning and passed gas. After about eight or nine years of marriage, his wife finally said, if you fart any more, you’ll fart your guts out. Being a butcher, the wife decided to put pig scraps in his pants so he would wake up, and not do it anymore. She put the scraps in his pants that night.
He woke up in the morning and went across the hall to the bathroom. Two long hours later, he came out and stated, honey, you were right about me farting my guts out BUT WITH THE GRACE OF THE DEAR LORD AND THESE TWO FINGERS. I GOT THEM BACK IN THERE.
Bus Driver's Parents
A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, “If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I’d be a little bull.”
The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, “If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant.”
The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, “What if your dad was gay and your mom was a prostitute?!”
The kid smiles and says, “I would be a bus driver!”
Lesbian
A blonde guy was sitting in a bar when he spots a very pretty young woman. He advances towards her when the bartender says to him, “Don’t waste your time on that one. She’s a lesbian.” The blonde goes over to her anyway and says, “So which part of Lesbia are you from?”
Even More Blonde Q and A
Q: WHAT DID THE BLONDE SAY ABOUT BLONDE JOKES?
A: She said they were pretty good, but they might offend some Puerto Ricans.
Q: WHAT DID THE BLONDE THINK OF THE NEW COMPUTER?
A: She didn’t like it because she couldn’t get MTV. Read more
Blonde Shoots Herself
A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.
“How did this happen?” the emergency room doctor asked her.
Well, I was trying to commit suicide, the blonde replied. Read more
Just Married
A young couple got married, and in their family, it was tradition that the best man dance with the bride for the first song. Well, this happened…but then they danced for the second song too. And the third. By the time the fourth song came on, the groom ran up and kicked the bride between the legs. A riot broke out, and all the invited guests were hauled off to jail.
In court the next week, the judge asked the best man what happened. Read more
